I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
