my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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