he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
