the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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