I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
