I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize