please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
