i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm always down for nudity.
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