wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I forget how to act sober
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
