man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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