I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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