Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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