Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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