I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
