You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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