so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
