the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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