I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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