If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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