It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
