Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
