Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize