this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
