OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
