i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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