why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
