she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize