If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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