just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
