wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize