you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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