I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
