I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
