Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
