I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
