Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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