wakey wakey hands off snakey
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
