I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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