carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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