Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
