don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
