I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
