The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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