You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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