Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
