I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
