are you still at the devil's house?
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
