i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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