he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
