she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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