Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
