now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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