I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize