okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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