Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
