you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
