guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
