Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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