Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
