Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
