He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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