Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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