OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
