just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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