Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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