went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
