I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
