i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize