Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
