If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
