Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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