do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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